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I get most of what you saying, but how can you hate pants??
I like leggings and soft things and old jeans.

Shorts only at home. If I went out in shorts I'm sure passerby would swoon over the the glow given off by such pasty pale legs and want to hire me as a portable lamp.

Anyway, this is one of the bad ways pants can get us:

C'mon, people, who has split their pants? We won't tell.