What is me
| Submitted by bare_elf on Sat, 2016-02-06 03:02 | ||
I sometimes wonder why I find games like Dungeon Siege, books like the Elric of Melniboné cycle by Michael Moorcock and The Darkness That comes Before by R. Scott Bakker so close to my heart. Could it be that the hero in each case is unlikely or somehow out of step with the reality of their contemporaries? Could they remind me of myself in some past or distant future? Yes I truly believe that I have been here many times before and keep coming back because I never seem to get it exactly right. I have appeared in many guises woman, man, wolf, eagle and sometimes through magic some combination of the aforesaid forms. Some things never change, I am always partnered with a wolf, I am always good with a bow and some form of martial arts. Presently I am female, have a wolf named DOG (he says it is GOD spelled backwards). I am extremely good with a bow be it recurved, compound or cross. Naginatajutsu is currently the form of martial arts I practice. Just some ramblings of a demented mind.
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Just in this life, the people I have been interested in (whether romantic or platonic) have had quite a few similarities; Love and talent in art, and love and talent for music. Everyone once in awhile I meet one who has, so I'm told, lived multiple lives. One was a Wiccan with the ability to speak to animals, see the dead and other souls. Another is an immortal soul who is cursed to forever walk this Earth. Another one has their soul stuck in a labyrinth, and yet another who was bitten by a vampire and can see souls.
Personally, I've been told a few things; My soul takes on a humanoid form that appears to be pitch black and that I have strong aura, or spirit. I once had a dream that felt more real than others; there was a small girl in our laundry room with a smaller being, who, unfortunately, I do not remember the appearance of. Anyhow, we hugged briefly so as to greet each other, and she proceeded to explain I'm a rare mix; a Human, Angel and Demon. I later asked one of my friends, and they told me I am three fourths Satyr and Angel. I have also been told this is my first life, but I am not exactly a child; I've been here four two thousand years prior, though as to where I was is a mystery.
I am unsure of what is true, but all of this is certainly exciting to me, whether it be a falsehood or the mere truth. I am certain that I am born onto this world for a reason that I will one day fulfill, and that my aura/spirit is a strong one.
No matter where you came from, what you are, or how old you are, what you are is what you make yourself out to be. A lot of it will be based off your nature; your likes and reactions to any given situation. Most say a name makes you unique, but this isn't entirely true, not with most Humans anyway. Most have the same names or similar names that mean the same thing, but ultimately what determines who you are is yourself. Don't observe yourself, but feel yourself.
I'm always skeptical of the spiritual, the paranormal. I believe all visions of a previous or future life is just the brain imagining things that.. we can't always understand. Memories we don't have, memories that were forged from nothingness. That said, I'm also not one to full-on dismiss someone who claims to have memories, however vague, of other lives that were not quite their own.. of ties to the world beyond our physical one, and the like. It certainly is an interesting idea that some people might be born with connections in their mind that others could never simply never conceive.
That said, I still prefer to think that the believing in things beyond oneself is simply an attempt to understand things that we do not. To find answers where there are none. To feel things that.. aren't there. So many seek answers to questions that they needn't know, and it only complicates things. Why are we here, what is our purpose... why does it matter? We are born from nothing, we go to nothing. We are just one big cosmic mistake, for better or worse.
I know, I'm just a ray of sunshine.
But still, I agree with Eks. Be yourself, enjoy yourself, etc etc.
Although... it would be fascinating to have memories, or.. or internalized feelings, etc, from a past life. Imagine if instead of the random stuff we get in our dreams, we instead relive the life of another?
Neato.
You know, this might explain why I resonate to R. Zelazny's Amber series(the one he actually wrote)