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When my house was constructed it was with cutting corners all over the place. Dumb, "rinkydinked", poorly done, half assed (as opposed to what, "whole assed"? I get the concept, but still...) are all words that spring to mind when I think of my house. My friend contributed rinkydinked, btw.

The house is old and I haven't had to spend too much money on improvements over the years. New roof and a new furnace were the major things. There is a whole bunch of smaller things that need work, but I'm not made of money. The Savage Ghost of Murder!!! + sugar, spice and crazy are more inline with what I'm made of, tbh.

I'm not bragging about the sugar and spice part, I have it on good authority that that is what little girls are made of. What this all means is I get aggravated about my house (or garden shed, whatever) quite a lot. Hence this whinging blog post. Ha, you're welcome!

ANYWAY. Back to the house. I had written previously about needing to call a plumber. Clogged line and stuff. So the company I deal with sent out two guys to check out what was what (Elijah and "Kind of a Dick" were their names, according to my boyfriend). So those guys spent five hours working on clearing the pipe to no avail. They suggest I call Roto Rooter since they have some high speed jet thing for clogs and they can record what the inside of the pipe looks like. Roto guy spends four hours working. Turns out that the entire sewage line leading from my house to the street was overgrown and clogged with tree roots. Tree Roots! Okay, stuff like that happens, I guess, but now here is the stupid part. Normal, regular homes have a straight, level sewer pipe. Not my house! This is what I have:

My artistic skills don't really convey that not only is the sewer pipe crooked, it has dips in it. Perhaps because whomever installed it was a dipshit, I don't know. Where does one even find a crooked pipe?! Well, from crooked people who cut corners and half ass everything, apparently.

The dips are a groovy feature that allows gunk to settle in them and contribute to overall clogginess. Along with frickin' tree roots. To repair this garbage requires ripping up my front lawn and installing a whole new (straight!) pipe, one with magic root repelling properties. I have no idea what this would cost. The Roto guy said he can give me a copy of the pipe video to bring to my insurance company. I'm not sure if my home owner's insurance policy covers stupid, but this is for another time.

Oh and just to add salt to the wound, the interior pipes in the cellar need to be replaced. One lucky thing is all the plumbing is located in the back left corner of the house, including the washing machine. So that's something. Meh. The plumbing company will give me an estimate, but it's going to cost around $4,000. Yup.

Here's me:
No, I'm *not* the green guy. I'm the scared woman. Sheesh, you guys...