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Um, ok. Was I too harsh?

I don't know how well known it is that I like to read, ALOT. I also do a bit of writing (mostly sad poems that I am embarrased for most people to read...) So I belong to a forum for reading and writing. People can post their own personal short stories and poems if they like and elicit feedback from other members. This is something I came across today that was just...simply amazing!

Quote:
The Trilogy
I have recently devoted 3 months of my life to writing this masterpiece if you wish to call it. I have carefully thought out every aspect of the story before beginning. Over the next several months I will post 2 sections at a time of this historical landmark in literature. A new unique style personally developed by myself. For the past 7 year I have worked on creating a new style of writing and I finally have achieved this great feat. Hopefully you all will appreciate the art which I have innovated into literature. I hope you all can comment suggestions or anything else you have to say before I go worldwide and publish it. Thank you and here is part one. Enjoy!

Utterly Amazing!
_ the foreigner of the world of wombat a survival of New Year t of
management t. of most _, of which suport Wombat of the nation aeººå¹³
of SONY measured the value, possible Pepsi-voltage est of the voltage
of Kolabaum of beb lucky for beb of est _ not a Pepsi-voltage of the
voltage of Kolabaum, for est est possible lucky person? _ the east
material problem or requests, that to necessit of t, t? _ true, that
east file signific of question t t necessit. _ only Juan est Girardi
of duvid of preocup of the full chain, he, if remarkable ours ajud of
the work of the creation no, ....you est you if neutonio of higo and fig _ with
the false organization this history, that turned continuous loss of
possible of est _ since then that continu or or, continuous series of
the continuation...

There was more but I simply had to trim it away.

kathycf wrote:
I don't wish to seem unkind, but the only thing that strikes me as "utterly amazing" about your piece is it's sheer incomprehensibility. It seems that you are trying out some sort of imitation of stream of consciousness. It may serve you better to hone your skills with more straight forward prose and when you master THAT to the best of your ability, then try to be more "creative". Even Faulkner and Joyce wrote prose that was straight forward and their steam of consciousness (although not hugely accessible) was not random nonsense words on a page....it did make sense after a fashion.

I am not trying to hurt or discourage you, and hope that you will not take my remarks as that....I am just saying that you need to focus on developing the foundation of your art, BEFORE you branch off into the, well...the artsy stuff.

So, what I really wanted to say was what a bunch of stale dog poo I thought that little "story" was, but I tried to be diplomatic. In my defense, the person was asking for feedback. I feel a bit bad about it, but not bad enough to edit my post. It is truly awful writing....

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